As I sat feeling anxious, I heard the Lord whisper in my ear. He clearly reminded to be anxious over nothing, but by prayer and petition make your requests known to me. Although I know his truth, I still sat anxious and too ashamed to even all it that (anxious) because I knew it was wrong. I was consumed by the ever so consuming "if". In this world we are encourage to take out insurance for the "if" in life. But when the time comes does insurance really enable us have less headaches? Doesn't it just produce more, sure we are thankful for the $3000 we didn't have to pay but that doesn't happen until we have paid the first $7000 because of the deductible - however, we sign up anyway and send our money out every month for it. The reason: it does help, just not with the power and might that we wish it could. We as Christians have insurance and daily we are choosing not to take it. We signed the forms when we confessed our faith to the crowd, we made that public decision; but somehow in the midst of anxiety, stress, and worldly pressures we forget we have insurance. We have a love that is unlike any love we have ever known. We have a policy that would never be offered in this world because there is nothing to profit (money wise) from for the Lord. He doesn't ask us to pay him every month, and drop us if we forget to pay him. His love is constant, His grace is constant, His mercy is constant, and we are lacking nothing because of the life he gave. Still I sat anxious. Not because I didn't know the truth, not because I didn't understand what he can do for me, but simply because I was stubborn and would not completely release my cares upon him.
As I sat talking to Jonny I was just crying, I felt overwhelmed with things we needed to do before Lylah gets here. Now since you all know me, the crying and talking didn't happen at the same time because I physically cannot speak when I cry so Jonny waited patiently several times until I could get myself together enough to utter anything... I kept thinking, this is normal? I have read it a million times, women begin to feel anxious the last few months of pregnancy. They feel like they have to get a million things done and they don't have enough time to do it. Well, that is how I was feeling...so that makes sense, it is ok for me to feel this way. NOT TRUE, it isn't ok! Just because people tend to feel this way, does not make it ok for me. I was called to something greater, I am sure of it! I was TOLD not asked by the King of Kings to cast my cares upon him! I will choose to do that! I might slip, but I will make every effort. Jonny encouraged me even more in this, he asked me the specifics of why I was worried and tried to defeat them. As I read in 1 Corinthians this morning "God is faithful (reliable, trustworthy, and therefore ever true to His promise, and He can be depended on); by Him you were called into companionship and participation with His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. But I urge and entreat you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you be in perfect harmony and full agreement in what you say, and that there be no dissensions or factions or divisions among you, but that you be perfectly united in your common understanding and in your opinions and judgments" I felt so thankful to have a husband that is in "perfect harmony and full agreement" with me, and most of all the Lord.
On a less serious note...
Lylah is just kicking away, and I love to feel her moving around. I can't wait until other people can feel her too, shouldn't be too long before that happens! She is almost 11 inches long and weighs in at about a pound, or so says my weekly emails! I had just an incredible thought the other day and I wanted to share it with you all. Although, I am not claiming philosophical truth about the following statements, I do think it is just a nice thought and you should take it as such: I was thinking about Lylah and the path of her life so far, and I began to get envious of her. You see, she has seen our God and his name is imprinted in her every being. It has only been 22 weeks and two days since she felt the softness of his warm hands, and saw the kindness in his eyes, and the love that he has for her met her face to face. I think she must remember a redeemer like that, she must know and remember the love she saw in him, and He must have a great plan for her life. Just a thought...
Love!
P.S. I put up a picture of me preggo! That picture was from December 28th, so there have been SIGNIFICANT changes in my tummy since then! :) I will post another one soon, promise!
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